


Blood is thicker than water (but flows just as free)

by zinabug



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Carmilla's A+ parenting, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I am upset about Jonny, I keep thinking of more things to tag this as, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Harm, because it is intense, blame the mechschord okay, jonny's mental state is fucked up okay, no actually don't they're lovely, non-consensual medical shit, they just inspired me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23761459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinabug/pseuds/zinabug
Summary: Jonny D'ville is a very messed person and its Carmilla's fault.title from pieces by the mechanisms
Comments: 2
Kudos: 95





	Blood is thicker than water (but flows just as free)

It’s  _ wrong  _

He feels his heart beat through every part of him. Counting and timing it over and over, and it should be right. 

But it’s not. 

He’s so much more aware of it now. His heartbeat. 

He went to Carmilla the first time, when he was still properly a scared kid. His heart was beating  _ wrong  _ and it filled his whole body and he was crying. He didn’t want to die again, die slowly and painfully from a tiny malfunction. 

She had been wearing a deep red kimono. He remembered it because it matched the liquid in her wineglass as she calmly sat writing. 

Nothing was wrong with him, his heart was working fine, according to her. 

According to her. 

The red of her kimono was also the same as his own blood when he spilled it later that night. 

Sometimes, he would suddenly feel his heart skip a beat. It used to scare him. Now, he welcomes it and wishes the next beat just wouldn’t come. 

Jonny D’ville leans his forehead on the bathroom mirror, glaring at his father's face staring back at him. He hates it, remembers the tighething of his mother's lips as he got older and began to look more and more like him. He closed his eyes, but that didn’t stop the remembering, only made it more vivid. 

He was full of rage. So full of it, and it  _ terrified  _ him. His father had been so full of rage and he was so afraid of becoming like him. 

Suddenly, he leaned back and punched the mirror, cracking the glass and seeing blood stream down it into the sink. His blood, growing darker over time with oil and corruption. 

He struck the mirror again and again, tears coming unbidden to his eyes from the pain. And he screamed, screamed for a long time, and there was nobody to hear. 

He can’t be like him can’t can’t but the rage is the only thing he can feel. 

His breath catching in his chest. 

_ It had worked _

The kid lying unconscious in the doc’s lab. She had been dead, died in his arms. 

_ She was stuck like him.  _

He unloaded another round into the wall, feeling the laugh bubble up inside him. 

Feelings are from the head, not the heart, but that won’t stop his emotions from being fucked over. 

Bioprogramming gone wrong, according to Carmilla. What the  _ fuck  _ did she need to  _ bioprogram _ out of him in the first place. Mortality? Like he cares, he decided to die the first time.  _ Like he even knows what bioprogramming means. _

He can’t properly care for her, can’t love her. Can’t love his own sister, not a sibling of blood (her blood is gone after all) but siblings of Carmilla’s knife.

He can feel himself losing his mind as the years go on and on and on and on. Nothing he can do. Drown the hurting in blood and gore. Shoot himself in the head just to get a fucking rest, sometimes for minutes sometimes for months. 

When he gets stabbed in that backwater asteroid, he all but did it himself. Almost wished he had actually struck the blow that took his sorry life from him. 

He laughed his way to death, laughed through blood until he was choking and he made sure he took the asteroid with him. 


End file.
